"Quoted."

"Something stirs in the east. A sleepless malice."

"Never."

Oswald Diefenbaker was a German rat; somber, forced to move two villages down because of his mother’s new marriage. Oswald could not stand his step brother, Harry, a most obnoxious brand. Harry broke everything that he touched and treated nothing with value, just such the nature of a spoiled rodent. Oswald’s step-father approached him shortly after dinner one night in a foul mood. “Harry has show and tell tomorrow and wants to take your red car,” he blurted vehemently. “So, he’ll need it all day tomorrow.” Oswald stood there rigid. “Oswald. Oswald!” his stepfather shouted. The red car was Oswald’s only treasure, the only possession he held up high to the sun for joy. Oswald quickly snapped out of it and ran out the back door and into the grove across form the pond two bushes away. He lay there on his side right at the edge of his favorite oak on a small slab of granite, staring. Oswald thought of Harry’s ungrateful grubby hands smearing chocolate and grape jelly all over his precious car and then that harsh raspy laugh as he slams it to the ground, breaking into a million pieces. The words “He’ll need it all day…” reverberated like an empty gym in his head. Oswald clutched the red car tight and with a gleam in his eye...he slowly pulled it closer and let out a soft whisper, “Never."

(I took this picture yesterday morning)

"Yes, Toxic, but You’ll be Fine."

So Scott and I got a job working five weeks at the Governor’s House…sweet. Or was it? Dun dun dun... A few days prior we signed up with Trade Staff Temping Agency…I should have known it wasn’t great idea after filling out a book of paperwork and taking a 60 question quiz consisting of questions like: If your arm gets cut off from a steel beam falling off a crane should you----

a. Don’t worry about it, you have another one

b. Ask one of your work mates to give you theirs

c. Fill out a complaint and get back to work

d. Call the hospital and get picked up immediately

Absurd. Anyway, they call us the night before and tell us to be at the Governor’s House at 7:30 am the next morning. Oh yea and they didn’t give us many details. We show up and go through some more paperwork. They take us into a trailer and I seriously thought we were going into chemical warfare. John, our headman said, “Here, you’ll need this, this and this…” I glanced at Scott trying to keep a smile crept back. We walked out of that trailer in full body suits with hood, hardhat, eye gear, rubber gloves that came up past our elbows, reflective vests, and steel toed boots 2 sizes too big. I couldn’t look at Scott while we took the tour of the place, afraid I was going to bust into full giggle as we marshmallowed along behind our supervisor trying to pay attention. Our job was basically stripping paint using a highly toxic paint stripper that cost 200 dollars a half barrel. I looked at the barrel, which stared back at me through the empty eyes sockets of a large skull and crossbones plastered on the side---POISON. It echoed off the empty rafters above me…I thought, I’m in a cartoon. It was really making me laugh. I looked at Scott and said, “This is going to be an interesting day.” If you got this stuff on your skin it burned like lava, and with all the gear they gave us we didn’t even have respirators, Needless to say we only worked there one day. I’m so glad I had that experience though and since that job I have been able to fly. (I wanted a picture of us so bad, it was ridiculous)

This particular spider will kill you…he got knocked down and he didn’t get back up again. That’s all I’ll say.

"Nose Booty."

Alright, so I was on the bus tonight and I lucked out to snag one of the four seats on the bus that faced everyone. Me, Manuel, Scott and Shawn were coming home late from a pub downtown—everyone was pretty docile. So I’m sitting there and this lady right across from me sitting about two rose back jams her finger way the crap up her nose. I mean really is stuffing the turkey. Keep in mind I am looking right at her…Im pretty sure she doesn’t see me and she just goes for it, ringing around in there hard like a cowboy lassoing a dirty hog. She pulls it out, exams it intently…by this point my eyebrows are raised and mouth slightly open, cuz you know I’m interested to see what the fate of this nose gold is going to be…I couldn’t believe it, she sticks it right down in the front of her bottom teeth and starts moving her jaw back and forth like a typewriter munching on this crusty critter. Amazing. Just amazing. The dexterity she had switching that thing from tooth to tooth….impressed, I bowed my head quietly and began to shake with laughter. Truly the night could not have ended any better for me. It was a masterpiece.

"Fail."

I wonder if the turnover rate is high here at the local Island Bay Butchery.

"Oh Herro Prease...Welcome to Owhiro Bay"

The sign struck me funny so I went to take a picture and never would I have thought in a million years that it would be possible to catch an Asian on horse under the sign "Owhiro Bay." Hahahahahahaha

Just down from the bay we found a hole in the wall crammed with artist, music and a climbing wall…what more could you ask for. I only got one picture because I'm an idiot.

"Bay Watch"

I was at the bay and a new bride came through…she was so happy---I had to steal a couple shots of her even though I probably looked like a stalker especially since I was in jeans and no shirt. Yep its been hot here.

"Tight Like a Tiger"

I walked into a store down town to sign up with 2 degrees, a local phones service provider here to get a new phone. I began to peruse the phone selection when I found myself strangely slipping back into the year 1996. All the phones were wearing jincos and had "L.A. Looks" gelled hair--90’s rock reels played in my head as the vision became clearer…check out my rad new phone. Pretty sick.

killer.

Are They Underwear or Shorts?

Well, production has been pushed back again till April, so we are all looking for jobs till then. Scott and Shawn looked at getting construction jobs before production starts but quickly reverted to a “Plan B” after finding out that most construction workers wore hot pants called “stubbies.” I will try my best to get a picture…They are great.

"Saved"

Shawn saved my life just now. Well that was interesting. An apple core got stuck in my windpipe and I definitely couldn’t breathe at all. Shawn didn’t know what to do so he just slammed me in the back open handed--suddenly the world slowed to watch the once lodged nucleus of the fruit to tempt Eve, falter Adam and cause the downfall of the human race, blow from my mouth and tumble to the ground in slobbery defeat to take my life…I have no doubts the core I choked on was in fact a direct descendant of that very instrument of darkness in the garden…yes, evil was unleashed this day but luckily a brother of light was there to deny the death assignment of a hardcore end. (cue banjo)

"Team Kill"

Let me introduce you to my entourage:

Manuel i.e. German Bot (pic:scott)

Nicole i.e Momma Day (pic:scott)

Shawn i.e. Shawnru Disposo (pic:scott)

Scott i.e. Tricky Panda

Jackie i.e Beef Jorkie (pic:scott)

Michelle i.e. Aunt Handsie

Nicole and Manuel have been great…they really have opened their house and space to us and completely embraced all of us American orphans. We have family dinners almost every night topped with everyone doubled over in laughter…It’s a great pill to swallow.

"continued...progression of night from the hut"

(undoctored, raw shots)

Can You Pick Something Up From the Store?

See those houses? Thats where I'm headed...

Just one of the stair cases

The answer to this question can sometimes be a hesitant yes. Ill tell you why….the view from Nicole’s house is great. It is great because its like 40 stories above sea level. So How do you get up there—you walk---which is great, I'm all for exercise but really….every time you need to get something like, "Oh crap I forgot the eggs," you have to pack for a 3 day journey and 4 different types of weather---then drag yet another bag of groceries back up the stairs of Mordor, Froto only had to do it once and he was just carrying a ring. What a wuss. Try two jugs of milk, 4 blocks of cheese and 2 pounds of ground beef only to realize when you get to the top you forgot the eggs again. Nicole told me ahead of time about all the staircases, one in particular that was quite a feat to do everyday….I shrugged it off but in the back of my head, to prepare myself, I just pictured a ridiculously absurd set of stairs so when I saw the real thing it wouldn’t be that bad…That picture I had in my head was exactly the same as the staircase she was talking about. Ha, its great though and this why...

next post continued...

"Wow"

Mountains, beach, and the city….I did not picture Wellington as having such an active downtown. Seriously it reminded me a lot of Toronto or a miniature New York. It had quite a big feeling to it….busy, engaging, business, food, music, fashion—the streets screamed skinny jeans and euro-mullets. The people are beautiful that’s all I’m going say. I have been stopped in my tracks several times…..yea, there’s a good story but I’m not gonna type it…ill have to tell it in person…sorry

"OK, Hot Dogs are Retarded."

Apparently you’ll be hard pressed to find American style hot dogs here. At first hearing of this I was disheartened, downtrodden even, shuffling my feet, mumbling and bumbling along until....one day a discovery was made, a particular restaurant stand stood like a beacon of light, a lighthouse a-top a steep hill shining its guiding beam upon my hot dog craving----It was "The Brat Pack," downtown that pulled me ashore. They are not hotdogs they are better. Now a regular, I usually get the "cheese kransky,"—it’s a brat with some sort of white cheese melted inside and this kiwi nectar they call “rocket fuel, ” I think its a hallucinogen …well it is fantastic. Extra onions and mustard, yes... I wouldn’t care if I ever had a hot dog again. Why do they exist when you could have one of these? I’m vexed. Terribly vexed.

"Kiwi Kids"

I went on a walk down to the breeze-way by the beach…it felt great and the sun was starting to sleep. This was so strange…I turned around to make my way back and two little girls came straight up to me grinning and said with that adorable kiwi accent, “will you walk with us?” I was looking around—no parents in sight or any adults for that matter. This was something I had noticed earlier---kids running around unsupervised. Anyway, so I smiled completely endeared and told them I’d love to. Their names were Ruby and O. They were twins they explained, O being born six minutes before Ruby. They were beautiful kids. So we walked and talked for awhile…so odd but awesome.

"Mountains that collide with the Sea"

The day after I got here we went to a place called Titahi Bay…STEEP hike, quite a climb...I think this spot was mainly intended for top rope climbing…most of the bouldering that was “mapped out” was seriously a death sentence…literally, if you fell you would get murdered by the rocks below or at least break many bones---but, after exploring a small section of the coastline, Scott and I found a small cave where we found some doable terrain…Gorgeous.

Rocks giving me the finger.

An uninterrupted YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY...

Less cavalier something pushes quietly to the surface

"The Emperor's New Clothes"

It was February 25^th and the moment I stepped off the last plane after traveling across the world in 5 different aircraft and a combined 23 hours of travel time, it hit me with force—I have begun. I was immediately taken a back by an intense warm punch thudding the deep parts of my chest---New Zealand walked right up in my face, gave me a sloppy wet kiss and said, “I’ve been waiting for you.” I said, “ Yes, I’ll take that with extra cheese.” Honestly, I wanted to take it a little slower but so far our relationship has been going faster than I expected with much heavy petting. This place is better than a tailor’s fit. I think I’m naked. Yep…I'm naked.